I have become one of those people who usually avoids social media challenges like the plague. Why? I don't always remember to brush my teeth everyday, let alone post on social media. Because... mom life. For reals, y'all.
BUT this time, I kinda had to. My struggles with anxiety and depression have lead me all kinds of places I never thought I would go, but sometimes they bring me back home and allow me to see it in a new light. In this case, my mind was totally blown after realizing all of the things I had just learned about cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety are summed up in Philippians 4:5-9: "The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence. if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Seriously... mind BLOWN! These verses are exactly what a person with anxiety can do to deal with the root causes and destructive thought patterns that perpetuate the problem. I have been writing these verses out every day as part of my devotion time for a couple weeks now, and just that alone has helped so much with getting my mind in the right place. And this challenge, started by Debi Zahn (www.instagram.com/debizahn/), focuses on one of each of the virtues in verse 8 for 8 days. I am super excited about it! And without further ado: Whatever is good: God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good. Yes. I know it's cliche. But who knew it would take 25 years for me to get it. The only aspect of God's goodness that I got up until recently was that everything is working according to His plan. The aspect that C. S. Lewis speaks to in his book, "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe": "Course he isn't safe. But he's good." I heard this quote all the time, but it never rang right in my head. It just sounded like a really lame way of saying, "God does what is best. Who cares if it sucks for you." And "best" was another code word for "best for everyone ever, even if you have to bear the brunt of it all." Kind of like it's portrayed in the song in "Prince of Egypt": "So how can you see what your life is worth or where your value lies? You can never see through the eyes of man. You must look at your life; look at your life through heaven's eyes." For me, "God is good" meant God is looking out for the good of all mankind, and most especially for those who love Him. For some people, maybe even most, that means that good things happen to them all the time. But, for some, they just have to deal with all the crap, and it will mean something great someday. And those who complain about their lot in life just don't get it and need to get their hearts in the right place. I didn't see God as malicious, just as someone who acknowledged that some people's lives have to suck for the good of all mankind. Best illustration I can think of is casting roles in a play. You may have someone who is really really really good at a favorite part and better than anyone else at it, but they're also the only person who can pull off a critical role. So you give the favorite to someone else, and cast the better actor where you need him. It's not that you don't like them, but someone has to be the scapegoat. That's how life works. To be honest... I'm not totally over this yet. I don't think I ever will be. The idea that one day something in us changes and nothing is ever the same is for Hollywood and over-eager Revivalists. Total victory over sin and sinful thoughts doesn't happen this side of Heaven. Every day is a moment-by-moment walk of stepping out in faith, despite our disbelief and our unworthiness, and doing the next right thing even if everything in our being is screaming at us to stop. This is why God's mercies are new every morning. This is why we called to forgive our neighbors unconditionally, even if they don't seem truly repentant. This is why Jesus forgave all sins for all time on the Cross. This is why unconditional love can exist. That being said, however, God is beginning to work in my heart to show me that I am not one of many in His eyes. That I am not the scapegoat for the world, but Christ was. That I don't have to see myself as a sacrifice that no one really minds sacrificing. He's showing me that He made me for more than bearing burdens for others so they never see the damage they're wrecking by their behavior. I don't know where I got all my crazy ideas. God isn't a narcissist who blames me for everything that is going wrong in His world. God isn't bipolar: pleased with me one moment and livid with me the next. God isn't waiting to point out all the ways I messed up and ignoring everything I do right. God doesn't treat me different depending on how I act. God isn't the abusive jerk I thought He was. God is good. God wants what is best for me. God has wept along with my every tear, ached along with my every heartbreak, been there for me when I was abandoned, stayed true to me when I was betrayed, held me in His arms when I quaked at the thought of human touch... He has always always been good. So, yes. It may seem cliche. But.. God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.
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